Dear Beautiful Boy,
From the time you were in my belly, I knew you were a spirit to reckon with. I often wondered what your passions would be, how you’d change the world, and whether you would let your mama sleep at all. In the night, I’d feel you turning somersaults and your tiny elbows and knees moving against the outside of my abdomen. You were rarely still. You were such a contrast to your docile & easy going older brother.
When you entered this world, you cried for a second. The following seconds were spent opening your eyes wide and observing the world around you with awe in your tiny expression. Next, you were given to me and went to work eating like it was your job. Not a minute was spent trying to figure out how to do any of it. You just knew from day one.
In the days and years that followed, you were the infant and toddler that seemed to have a life purpose and motto. “Anything you can do, I can do better” was your attitude when it came to keeping up with your big brother and the rest of the world. You were determined. At age 5 you were obsessed after your first kayak ride. Despite many obstacles intentionally put in place by your dad, you made a plan, saved up, and found a storage space to buy your own!
Since then, whenever you have a look in your eye and a topic you can’t stop talking about, I know you’ll succeed in getting your way. It’s not that you’re pushy or bossy or even spoiled. You seem to have an inborn confidence and drive for achieving any goal you put your mind to.
You have a gift for reading people too. Since you were 2, when you told your auntie that she looked pretty in her new swimsuit, I knew you’d be a success in whatever you did. You know intuitively whether it’s time to be serious or make a joke, be gentle or rough and tumble, and you are always kind. Grandpas, teachers, teammates, and little kids love you.
And here we are at 16. I couldn’t be more proud of the young man you’re becoming. I see less of you as you spread your wings, spend time with your friends, help your dad with projects, volunteer after practice to help your coaches, work hard, earn money for your next big goal. Communication between us often seems strained, not infrequently laced with conflict.
You see, I know you’re safe. I know you’re kind. I know you’re brilliant. I know fun is your unofficial middle name. But I’m also scared. I’m scared of the other drivers on the road not watching for motorcyclists. I’m scared of the hit in football that isn’t “clean.” I’m scared of you falling off the ladder from being on uneven ground. I’m scared of that saw blade flying off and going through an appendage. I’m scared of the huge rock in the field that jumps out in front of you sending that 4 wheeler or snowmobile rolling on top of you. I’m scared of the gun that misfires. I’m scared of mean girls mishandling your heart.
As your mom, it’s always been my job to ensure your safety. I’ve always been the one to wrap you in a big hug and make your owies all better. I realize that raising you to be a kind, respectful, law abiding, tax paying, independent citizen is my job. I’m just not ready to let you fully out of my grip just yet.
I know the next 2 years will fly by more quickly than the last 16 have. I know that when you head off to college, your decisions will be 100% your own. And I know that you’ll be ready. You’ll take that determination and do great things for this world.
But for now, please just let your mama love you, hug you, and don’t argue when I tell you to be safe.
My love always,
Mama